My Mind (La la) July 11, 2009

Just a little song I wrote. Don’t ask me how it goes. I write lyrics, not music.

 

Verse 1:

If you happen to see my mind

Please let it know it’s out of vacation time

Cause I think it’s about time

I reconnected with my mind

It’s been a while since I heard from it

It never calls or drops a line

And I’m going a little crazy here

Can only focus on things that shine

But the real world’s finally at my door

And I can’t take this no more

So let’s reconnect for good this time

Me and my mind

 

Chorus:

I wanna smile till my mouth breaks

Laugh until my lungs give out

Sing until there’s no words left

And I’m left singing

La la la la-la la la la la

La la la la-la la la la la la

Oh yeah

La…

 

Verse 2:

And through my honey-tinted view

I look up to see the glass dome sky where they’ve

Hung the yellow styrofoam sun

Can’t help my smile turning rye

Don’t know what happened to the real one

It makes so little sense to me

So I gotta shout– don’t know what else

Where has my mind gone? Where did it go?

Can’t find it for the life of me

Hope that someday I’ll recall

Just what I did with it after all

Yeah, I’ve lost my mind

 

Chorus

 

Bridge:

Nothin’s makin’ sense no more

I’m left sittin’ on the floor

Wonderin’ if I’m the only one

Seein’ what this world’s become

And does that thing they call sanity

Exist or even apply to me?

 

Chorus x2

Jester’s First Song June 27, 2009

The prologue for a new story of mine…

Beginning Chord

 

“I am known as a curse and outcast among my people. I am invisible among your own.

“In both cases, it’s because of my face. I am called a Jester among the Fae, but it’s far from the laughing sort.

“The Fae do, by no means, look like humans. Skin colors vary depending on region, ancestry, magical ability, and other such factors. The same goes for eye and hair color. Every Fae has some sort of special mark unique to them who’s size can range anywhere from a fingernail to covering the whole body. They also vary in color.

“All in all, the Fae are a race coming in every shape, size, and shade imaginable.

“But not the Jesters.

“The Jesters are an oddity, even among the variations of the Fae because of that very fact– the Jesters all look the same.

“They are almost unnaturally thin, looking to be no more than skin and bones, and they are not merely pale– they are stark white, whiter than rice and paper and clouds and chalk and daisies all combined.

“They also all have the same markings. The only thing that differs enough to identify each individual Jester is the color of the mark. There is a ring under each eye and a thick line from the ring down the cheek, tapering off to end at the jaw. It might put one in mind of the face of a person who spent a sleepless night crying.

“The Fae consider the Jesters a sick joke played on them by God because, if there is one thing that Fae hate and fear, it is two Fae with the same mark. Even identical twins, however rare, have completely different marks. Most Jesters are avoided for that reason and, though they may be small, they are powerful well beyond the norm.

“There are many, many rumors and stories and myths surrounding the Jesters. By the time I was born, they were far too numerous to even begin to count, but regardless, my birth sparked at least a dozen more.

“No Jester had been born in a century and some had begun to hope that the Jesters would finally die out entirely. Their hopes were dashed the year of my birth because mine was only the first.

“Like a spark starts a flame and creates a fire, so my existence was like the spark that brought the flame of a whole new generation of Jesters to the Fae.

“They were less than happy about that…”

Fair Lady Youth June 26, 2009

Her dress is woven with sunshine and poppies
Her feet are always bare
Her eyes are pools of mischief and fun
Apple blossoms in her hair

Her laughter pours down like torrents or rain
She’s followed by blue skies
Rosy lips ready with witty comeback
And speaking such truthful lies

She pins her hair up with sunbeams and clouds
Her playthings are sweet dreams
Her lapdogs are called Freedom and Time
Though neither are hers, it seems

Love is her constant companion, like the moon
Waxing and waning in turn
And given to more than a touch of madness
But with much time, she’ll learn

And though she seems immortal, she won’t
Last any longer than a breath
She’ll flit and float and fly away, leaving
Everyone to the hands of Death

 

This is what I get for rhyming right before I go to bed– I end up staying up till all hours writing poems in my head!

On the plus side, my poet’s soul is definitely making a grand comeback. Cheers for that.

Jam and Jeans June 25, 2009

Strawberry jam on my fingers
On my lips
On my tongue
Divine

Sunshine warming my face
And my back
And my legs
Sublime

Old ripped jeans so full of holes
On the cuffs
On the knees
Inviting

Imagination with with clouds
The magic
The thrill
Exciting

Laying in a sea of grass
Surrounded
By the green
Enthralled

A distant voice is calling me
Drawing me
Pulling me
Recalled

 

An alternate title could be ‘Summer Afternoon’ but it didn’t have such a nice ring to it as ‘Jam and Jeans’ did, though it would probably sum it up better. Oh well. This was actually inspired by a ‘three random objects generator’ that gave me– a jar of jam, a pair of jeans, and someone’s grandmother. haha! ^_^

Just Before July June 24, 2009

Raindrops on my windshield
Blue skies up ahead
Dark clouds roll behind me
No more tears to shed

Turn up my favorite song
Body takes in the beat
Music in my very veins
The ecstasy– so sweet

Sing out till my lungs feel
That they’re going to burst
Drown myself in song
Diving in headfirst

Let the smile spread
Till it breaks my face
Let the rain and sun beat down
I have found my place

Oh the beauty of a moment
The wonder of a sky
Full of sunshine and raindrops
Just before July

I’m really happy to finally be getting back into writing poetry. I was so caught up in trying to write my stories and life being a general hell that I  fell away from it . A poet without poetry has to be one of the most devastating combinations I’ve ever come across.

But I think this is a good lead-in for more poetry soon to come. I’m looking forward to it. ^_^

Jonah’s Prayer February 26, 2009

“In my distress I called to the Lord,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me….
The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought me life up from the pit,
O Lord my God…
But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord.”

And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land… (Jonah 2)

Know something? I realized tonight that I have more in common with Jonah than I ever thought. Here I sit, feeling like I’m at the very bottom of the ocean, being crushed by my own stupidity, and Jonah’s words reflect just what my heart was crying.

The other big thing we have in common? Neither of us saw the fish coming till it was too late.

Red Lady, Blue Sky February 26, 2009

Ladybug, Ladybug
Walking on the glass
Bathing in the sunlight
While I’m stuck in logic class

Ladybug, Ladybug
How I envy you
In your lovely, bright red cloak
Against a sky of blue

Ladybug, Ladybug
You can fly away
How I’d love to be your size
To hitch a ride today

And we are completely baffled by the fact that I was able to write poetry in logic class. Yes? Yes.

Regardless, I think it’s kinda cute. Definitely not one of my more notable works, but it’s sweet. Maybe I’ll expand it or write another. Make a whole series out of it.

What do you think? hehe.

Where We Are February 18, 2009

“Where are we?” he asks.

I’ll tell you where we are– hell. An un-logical logic hell where I am trapped every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for an hour each day in which I could be writing.

And what is today? Monday. The beginning of another three hours to brighten my week.

Oh joy.

Do I sound bitter? I don’t mean to.

So then, where are we otherwise?

I’m in one of those places where you’re still waiting for things to actually happen, I guess. I’m waiting for summer, because then I hope things will truly begin to fall into place for the better.

I want it to all be over already. I want to be on the road to success and out of this normal rut of life that so many others run in too. But time is one of those things that seem to run the exact opposite of what you want it to. When you want it to go fast, it drags on for an eternity and when you want it to go slowly, it goes by in an instant.

So, I’m forced to wait for now.

Really, it’s kind of scary when I think about the uncertainty of the future. I have no guarantees about anything in my life anymore. I suppose it’s that way for a lot of people once they’ve graduated from high school. Honestly, I never thought about my life after Metro. I was so happy where I was, I refused to believe it would end, even after it already had.

That was part of my problem. I saw everything changing, and I wasn’t ready for it to. I wanted to stay in the happy place we all shared, full of hope and excitement, but it never would have worked.

Everyone had plans for their futures… except me. I’m not even sure I wanted to go to college at all. I know the practical reasons behind getting a degree, of course, and I totally agree with them. Only thing is, I just can’t get myself into it.

I’ve had boring classes before, of course, but I’m just not sure I’m passionate about anything at the moment. Sure, there’s stuff I enjoy doing, but I can’t think of anything I’m passionate about.

Part of it might be my personality. Being logical, I’m not an outwardly emotional person. I don’t let my emotions rule me and so, because I suppress most of them, it’s harder to access the really strong ones, like passion. I’m not used to just letting my emotions go, which makes me seem cold sometimes, but it’s how I was taught to think.

So what do I do then? It’s not as though I don’t want to be passionate about something, but I haven’t found anything get passionate about. Question is then, how to find this something?

That’s one I’m still working on.

Boxes of Dreams February 9, 2009

I found a box today.

It was labeled ‘Dreams Fulfilled’. It was shoved back in a dark corner where I was sure not to find it except by chance. The sadder thing was that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen it, much less put something into it.

So I dove into that dark corner and wrestled it out of the dust and dark that clung to it like peanut butter to the knife. When I picked it up, I was shocked and a bit saddened at how light it felt.

I set it on a table in the light and slowly lifted the lid. I peered inside and at first didn’t see a thing. Then, as I looked more closely, I saw there in the bottom, one thin little dream.

Carefully, I reached in and brought it out. As I looked it over, I nearly cried. This tiny, fragile thing was the only dream I’d ever fulfilled?

It was a grade school dream to sing the lead in the musical. I had fulfilled that dream, I remembered it well, but where had the rest of my dreams gone? Closing the box, I set it aside. Where could the rest of them be?

I searched high and low, up and down, backwards and forwards, and even upside down, but I couldn’t find it no matter where I looked.

Then it occurred to me to check the dark corner again. And there it was. Next to where ‘Dreams Fulfilled’ had been sat a box labeled ‘Dreams Unfulfilled’.

Apprehensively, I tried to lift it and found it too heavy to lift. I pushed and pulled and kicked it into the light.

I opened it and the dreams spilled out across the floor. I scrambled to catch them, but they just kept coming. 

I stepped back and compared the two boxes, realizing how different they were. So empty and light verses so heavy and full.

Some of the dreams were paper thin and others as heavy as giants. Some were so small they were lost in the jumble and others were as big as they sky.

So what does all this mean for me?

Does this mean that some dreams are too impossible to dream and that some are too small to matter?

That can’t be right. I don’t know the word ‘impossible’.

What can I say of my dreams then? They got lost in the shuffle of life and left in a dark corner to rot. That is probably the worst possible thing that could have happened. A dreamer without her dreams is like a unicorn without it’s horn. The whole meaning of being is lost and though life may not loose it’s charm, it lacks something, whether it is noticed by the one who lost it or not.

In my case, I didn’t notice until today.

So the real question is, are these dreams what I’m dreaming now? Do I wish for these things to come true? Do I still believe in these dreams or have they simply turned into old wishes and fantasies?

At the moment, I couldn’t begin to say.

Un-Logical Logic: Logic That’s Not Logical February 9, 2009

I think the person who decided that ‘Logical Reasoning’ should be a required class for Business Majors should be made to sit through the class themselves. Then they can tell me I don’t already know this crap and I still have to take the class.

In which case, they should be shot.

There isn’t a single logical thing about my logic class. The whole thing is ridiculous. It’s freaking common sense! And they treat it like it’s some big deal that’s sooo hard.

Makes me want to throw something.

Valid or invalid. Sound or unsound. But invalid can’t be sound. Only valid can be sound or unsound.

Then strong or weak. Cogent or not cogent. But weak can’t be cogent. It’s always uncogent if it’s weak. It’s only strong that can be cogent or not cogent.

Here’s the kicker– if it’s valid, it can’t be strong or weak.

Say what?

Why can’t it be valid (100 percent true) and still have a strong or weak truth content?

Yeah, only invalid can be strong or weak, even though invalid always means unsound.

And then strong can be cogent or uncogent, but weak can only be uncogent.

The whole thing’s messed up.

Insanity.

Why can’t we just go with true/false and keep it simple? I like simple. Simple works for me.

So why do they have to try and make a simple true or false conclusion so complex?

I really want to pummel whoever came up with this class in the first place. Make he and they guy who decided it should be a required course sit through it together.

I’m sure they’d have loads of fun, just like all the people who have to take it.